I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize