everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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