I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
