Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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