Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize