Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
