Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Who died my cat blue again?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
