Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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