I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
