Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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