I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
