Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
