I will die if light touches me.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
