dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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