i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
