he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
