Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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