I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
