laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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