dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
