Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
