Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
