He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
