I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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