Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
