I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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