if i can run in heels then i can drive
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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