you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
