my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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