my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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