I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
