he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
