my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
