Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
