i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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