Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
