made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
