she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
