Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
