my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
