you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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