Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
