im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
