I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
