I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Randomize
