oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I wish I only lived at night.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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