I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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