but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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