I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
