great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
