I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
