I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We just shotgunned beers for America
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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