I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
