these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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