i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
