the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
