He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
