guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Randomize