K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
