i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
