I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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