Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
