Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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