put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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