all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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