franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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