Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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