Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well I just put wine in my tea
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
