I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize